oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
