she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
