Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
