Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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