Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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