I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
