Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
