I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
