I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
