can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
