No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
