And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
