Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
