im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
zippers are such a cool invention
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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