i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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