So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
