I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
