tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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