I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
