"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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