Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
