areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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