And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
