end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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