It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
