I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
