so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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