remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
