Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
