I'm going to jail i love you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
