I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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