Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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