chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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