I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
