seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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