Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
