new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
