I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
