Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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