Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
