Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
