her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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