For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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