$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
