I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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