I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
