I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
