im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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