Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
