You're completely useless in the revolution.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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