Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
