He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
