Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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