Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
