Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
