You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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