I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
