I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
